– Appreciation is a key factor in coaching –

Besides the knowledge that the constant interaction of a person with his environment, have a strong influence on him, the appreciation of the counterpart is a cornerstone of the systemic attitude. 

Without appreciation, a coach does not believe that the coachee

⚡️has a relevant issue/problem, if it seems simple to the coach
⚡️himself can find a solution
⚡️already has all the necessary resources
⚡️he knows the system better than the coach
⚡️has a different reality than the coach
⚡️is response-able and capable of acting

As a result

👉🏻 the coach does not take the coachee and his problem seriously
👉🏻 the coach advises the coachee and forces his solution on him
👉🏻 the coach only points out things to be learned
👉🏻 the coach does not meet the coachee at eye level
👉🏻 the coach imposes his opinion and values on the coachee
👉🏻 the coach has pity instead of compassion

Appreciation is associated with respect, sympathy and kindness. It is the key to successful coaching.

How important is appreciation in your life?

Reality is the same for all of us, isn’t it? –

Reality is absolute, immutable and equal for all?
Wrong!

There are of course immutable facts in our reality, which are identical for everyone. However, we all perceive our world through filters. 

🦻🏻 Through our senses
🌍 Through our experiences
🧠 Through our thoughts
🙀 Through our feelings
🧞‍♂️ Through our desires

These filters are different for each person. Therefore, each person perceives the same facts differently and constructs their own reality from them. 

👉🏻 That’s why no two people react identically in the same situation. 
👉🏻 That’s why everyone tells a different story about the same situation.
👉🏻 That is why one finds something hurtful and the other does not.

Very nicely illustrated is this in the news square of Schulz von Thun and in the wheel of consciousness of Michael Pauck.

I could observe this very well during my active time as a ballroom dancer in the highest amateur class. 

One thing is of course the abilities that one has or does not have measurably. But at least as big a part is what one believes about oneself (or the others). Because if I don’t believe in myself, I perform differently. My whole body language radiates insecurity. The judges perceive this (subconsciously) and immediately conclude that one can do “nothing”. The own constructed reality becomes real.

Exactly at this construction of reality a coach starts and helps his coachee to take other perspectives. In this way, supposed weaknesses can become strengths, beliefs can dissolve and new behavioral patterns can emerge.

– Do you sometimes do something automatically, even though you don’t want to? Like an inner “Operating System?-

You know that annoying little voice “That’s not good enough yet” or “Do it faster” ?
I know them well – and so do many other people.

In coaching (and psychology) these little voices are called “inner drive”. They determine our thoughts, actions and feelings and become especially loud in exceptional situations. Often they are even the trigger for our stress or conflicts – especially if someone’s driver is excessively strong.

There are 5 different drivers that are present in each of us, but vary in intensity:

💎Be Perfect

😻Be Pleasing

⚡️Be Quick

💪🏻Be Strong

👏🏻Make an effort

The inner drive is based on beliefs that we have internalized for years to such an extent that we are not aware of their influence. Thus they are also not consciously controllable for us. A driver that could actually be a strength quickly becomes a weakness.

Where is our self-determination if we are not aware of the drivers that influence us so strongly?

Would you like to know your drivers in a simple test and thereby gain control? Here you go:

Online-Test Innere Antreiber

– And what about me then? Am I still needed at all? –

“My company wants to become lean/agile. They don’t need me as a manager anymore! What will happen to me then?”

This or something similar is often the first reaction of managers when an agile transformation program is announced – especially in middle management. Most of them ask themselves: is in agile leadership even possible?

The first trainings and workshops start, the agile manifesto is read and the fear seems to be confirmed. There is nothing in the Scrum Guide about the role of the manager, the agile coach ignores the manager (if he is allowed to join the trainings at all) and many of the classic leadership tasks move to the product owner and scrum master. 

In fact, the answer is simple. Well, at least simple to understand – but difficult to implement. Just like the agile motto:

🌟”Scrum is easy to understand, but difficult to master” 🌟

5 tasks of an agile manager = agile leadership

And what are the tasks 💪🏻 of a lean/agile leader❓
Ultimately, the tasks can be summarized as “Support and develop your employees” – and that is indispensable. 
More specifically, they include:

👉🏻 Be the role model
👉🏻 Empowerment
👉🏻 Vision & intrinsic motivation
👉🏻 Team development
👉🏻 Lifelong learning

Be the role-model

Live and breathe the agile mindset & culture and lead change through it. If the leader is behind the change, the team will be able to change faster.

Empower

The world is too complex to be mastered by one individual. Only when all the knowledge and skills of the team are incorporated and if they make their own decisions will the best solution emerge – and even faster.

Vision and intrinsic motivation

For employees to make their own decisions, they need a vision and a framework. The agile leader must communicate these. A nice side effect: a vision motivates and gets you out of bed in the morning. A vision or a purpose promotes the intrinsic motivation of the team members.

Team development

1+1>2❗️ A team achieves more than a lone fighter. An agile leader helps the team to grow together and removes stumbling blocks.

Lifelong learning

In our fast-moving times, standing still is tantamount to taking a step backwards. An agile leader creates the space for his/her employees (and him/herself) to evolve.

Ultimately, the tasks can be summarized as: Be a leader instead of a manager!

Are you still managing or are you already leading?

I have never been able to stand terms like “human resources” and “human capital” perhaps combined with a “manage”. To me, they represent the epitome of the dehumanization of the working world. They are leftovers from a time when it was still mainly about factory workers 🏭 who were only supposed to be recipients of orders and just not have any ideas of their own💡. People are nothing more than the other factory inventory 🛠 and capital💰.

To me, the term “manager” belongs in the same category. It sounds like soulless and thoughtless people who have to be (micro-)managed like smallest children. It doesn’t fit at all into our modern, complex and fast-paced working world, where we need highly qualified, highly intelligent people. 

If we want to have and keep such people in our companies, if we want to use their potential, we have to treat them accordingly – and for me that means leading instead of managing.

So what is the difference between an (agile) leader and a manager?

👉🏻 Creating a vision vs. setting goals
👉🏻 Inspire people vs. (micro-)manage people
👉🏻 Coaching vs. guiding
👉🏻 Initiating change vs. cementing the status quo
👉🏻 Shaping relationships vs. defining processes
👉🏻 Encouraging teamwork vs. being a lone wolf
👉🏻 Supporting personal initiative vs. making decisions
👉🏻 Rolemodel vs. determine

And what is the difference for you between a leader and a manager?

– Faster and faster, more and more complex –

What a crazy world we live in 🌍

in which change and complexity overwhelm us with the force of a tsunami.

There is even a technical term for it:

The VUCA world

【V】Volatility – Rapid change and huge bandwidths.
【U】Uncertainty – Future unclear even with great experience
【C】Complexity – Countless variables and dependencies
【A】Ambiguity – Unclear relationships of cause & effect.

You can’t control this world, but you can learn to ride the wave.
This is true for managers as well:

Typical command & control management methods are no longer applicable. 
Because the necessary prerequisites no longer exist in VUCA: 

❌ Without consistency of products, customers, competitors 👉🏻 no clear process specifications & sets of rules.
❌ Without long-term forecasts and planning 👉🏻 no MbO and target agreements
❌ Without clear, controllable facts 👉🏻 no central decision-making
❌ Without clear cause and effect 👉🏻 no individual bonus systems

Now what?
Try an environment where the team can make the decision for the best way forward themselves:

【V】Vision – Everyone knows where they want the journey to go.
【U】Understanding – All the necessary information is available to everyone.
【C】Clarity – Everyone has clarity about all the framework conditions 
【A】Agility – Fast adaptation according to the latest knowledge

– And therefore especially for leaders who want to enable change –

I don’t like sandwich ❗️ 

At least not as feedback 

So often in communication and leadership training I have been taught to always present the negative feedback with a slice of positive feedback before and after – the so-called sandwich feedback: 

“Your presentation was great. Unfortunately, topic X was missing. At least you explained topic Y great” 

👉🏻 Honestly: 
I find such sandwich feedback almost an insult to the intelligence of the recipient. You smell a rat right away and feel like you’ve been made fun of. 

In addition, depending on the type of person, the praise is either completely devalued or the criticism is overheard. If it goes badly, the recipient is also conditioned in such a way that he expects a criticism after each praise in the long run. 

👉🏻 Of course the thought behind it is correct: 
If you feel appreciated by the feedback provider, it is much easier to accept suggestions for improvement. 

However, when used as a method, it seems very artificial to me and not meant honestly. 

👉🏻 In contrast, I find the idea of the relationship bank account much better: 
Those who regularly pay into it over a longer period of time through praise, support, interest, etc. can also take off from it if they express constructive criticism in clear words. 

So to speak a sandwich over a very long period of time. 

For the actual suggestion for improvement, I like best the „SAY IT” simply method. But more about that in the next post.

– Because the right mindset in feedback is crucial –

SAY IT simple❗️(SAG ES Methode)

For constructive feedback there are many different feedback methods, not all of them I really recommend (see my post on the Sandwich Feedback Method).

For me, the most important thing in feedback is the mindset.
It’s not about criticizing the person, but about change:

1️⃣ supporting the other person in their development
2️⃣ or to reduce an unpleasant effect of a behavior.

That’s why, for me, there is no such thing as positive and negative feedback, but only constructive, goal-oriented feedback – or not.

However, the feedback can of course be pleasant or unpleasant for the receiver (and the giver).

👉🏻 One method that supports you in this basic attitude is the „SAY IT“ (SAG ES) formula, often also known as the I-message:

🆂 ay your point of view: “I noticed that.”
🅰 dmit impact: “This leads to”
🆈 our feelings: “I feel with it”
🅸 nquire point of view: “How do you see this”
🆃 ogether: “How could we solve this together?”

The basic idea behind this is to describe what is causing the behavior and then find a solution together. This leaves it up to the recipient to decide what to do with the feedback.

However, it is crucial not to let “SAY IT” degenerate into a method, but to be genuinely interested in what the positive intention behind the action was.

– An error culture wich supports change –

Honestly, I don’t know if this is true …

But I don’t care, because I like this image of appreciation and dealing with mistakes.

I think we can take a leaf out of that book – also in the working world. A positive error culture is a vital part of lean and any company which wants change. Only if people dare to make errors they are able to improve, learn new things, transform.

🎆The birth song of the Himba 🎆

(Loosely based on Cohen, Alan (2002): Wisdom of the Heart) 

Among the Himba tribe of Namibia in southern Africa, the date of a child’s birth is not set at the time of its arrival in the world, nor in its conception, but much earlier: from the day the child is in the mind of its mother.
⠀
When a woman decides to have a child, she settles down under a tree and listens until she hears the song of the child who wants to be born. And after hearing the song of that child, she comes back to the man who will be the father of the child to teach him that song. And then, when they make love to form the child physically, they sing the song of the child to invite it.⠀
⠀
When the mother is pregnant, she teaches the child’s song to the midwives and older women of the village. Then, when the child is born, the old women and the people around it sing its song to welcome it.⠀
⠀
When the child grows up, the other villagers learn his song. So when the child falls or gets hurt, he always finds someone to pick him up and sing his song. And when the child does something miraculous or successfully goes through the rites of passage, the villagers sing his song to honor him.⠀
⠀
In the tribe, there is another occasion when the villagers sing for the child. When a person commits a deviant crime or social act at any time in his life, he is called to the center of the village and the people of the community form a circle around him. Then they sing his song.⠀
⠀
The tribe recognizes that correction of antisocial behavior is not through punishment, but through love and remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you don’t want or need to do anything that would harm the other person.⠀
And so it goes throughout life. In marriage, the songs are sung together.⠀
⠀
And when the child grows old and lies in his bed ready to die, all the villagers know his song, and they sing it for the last time.

– At least none which makes sense –

Well probably there is but in my eyes it doesn’t make sense at all⚡️

It is actually quite straightforward. 
We are not living in a vacuum but are influenced by the people 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦 around us. The way we behave in a specific situation highly depends on the reaction of the other persons involved. Equally if we behave suddenly differently in a similar situation, other people will start to change their behavior as well. A new equilibrium is established (which possibly tiggers further changes).

This awareness that we are all part of many different systems – a team, a company, the family, friends – which influence us is the key assumption of a systemic coach. Therefore a coach will always help the coachee to discover every possible (external) impact for the topic the client wants to work on. 

Only then the change can succeed. 
Only then the change will be lasting.

👉🏻 The conclusion is that there is no businesscoaching without lifecoaching. Or the other way around: if the business coaching shall be successful coach and coachee must look at the private life as well.

👉🏻 The second conclusion is that the only expert for the chosen topic is the coachee, only he knows all the different systems well enough. Any solution the coach could offer, never will be correct for the client since it would be a solution for another system.

A great coach has therefore the skill to accept the different reality of the coachee without any judgment. He is able to dive into the world of the client, to forget his own experience in life and see through the eyes of the coachee. From there the coach develops various hypotheses, tests the reaction and adapts. That way he helps the coachee to develop his own new ideas for a solution.

The change begins.

Which situations did you experience where your Change in behavior triggered a different behavior of somebody else? Which new possibilities opened up?

– What is your secret for motivation ? –

Many companies still use “Carrot 🥕 and stick 🦯” (bonus and fear) methods to motivate their employees to give their best … but we are not donkeys.

Today’s still most used system to “motivate” people to be more productive is from a time where work was in most cases very different from todays work. It originates back to factories with mostly labor work, where people had to follow simple, straight forward rules. The believe behind the bonus system is that you get more of the behavior you want if you reward it and if you punish something you get less of it.

While this might have worked back then, in todays mostly creative, intellectual work it leads exactly to the opposite – performance drops due to pressure. You don’t believe that? There are proves in many different studies (see video).

For intellectual work money is only a “hygiene factor” i.e. people have to have enough money to not worry about their live and money has to be spread in a fair way. Beyond that it has only low impact to motivation and eventually negative impact to performance. 

So what else can companies do to stimulate performance (and keep high performers in the company)?

• Give Purpose
• Allow Autonomy
• Offer Mastery

Purpose gives people the feeling that they are doing something important, it drives them out of bed in the morning and equally important it allows people to autonomously decide the best way forward.

Autonomy creates engagement. People don’t wait until they are told what to do, they simply do it as soon as needed. They feel responsible. They develop their own ideas, find and fix errors without being told to do so.

Mastery drives people to do things even without payment like in sports, puzzle solving etc. Mankind simply wants to prove that we can do it. So we need in live enough tasks that challenge us, not only boring, repetitive tasks.

The logical conclusion is that a traditional, top-to-bottom leadership style, where the manager decides what to do and how, does not stimulate motivation and performance for any type of work that requires more then rudimentary cognitive skills. The modern world needs a much more cooperative leadership style than we typically see in many traditional companies.

Thanks to Jürgen Dittmar for re-sharing this great video from RSA Animate, which he shows in his really recommendable Management 3.0 courses.